B. Dull Chinese New Year

2012-01-21T22:27:00.000-08:00

Last year was the same too. Had a fight/quarrel with mum yet again. It's no surprise actually and I believe only my father, brothers and probably oak, know just how much I dislike her. And as much as I try to fix this relationship, it gets much worse the next time we ruin it. It never really get better anyway. And it's only when I'm seventeen going eighteen, do I get to learn more about my family. Sad huh? I suppose so. I don't even know their marriage anniversary, their courtship, etc etc etc. I mean as a child, you would love to listen to your parents' stories, any story about them. You will never find it boring. My birthday will be dull too, continual case. It's never complete without someone giving in, someone making an effort.

Anyway, side track:
I guess it would really really really be fun to own a lomokino movie maker camera ya know! Don't have the photo but you can click the link "lomokino movie maker camera"! It doesn't come with an instructional menu but I wouldn't mind asking around/surfing the net for information. It cost around hundred fifty sing dollars. Still in the midst of contemplating though. :( Honestly, I love making videos and I actually thought that I will be taught on how to in Video Production module. Well oh well, I guess everyone thinks it is just so simple. It's like even a caveman can do it. Guess I'll learn, I must.

Ohoh! And I'm really happy to have clean up my room. All I need is to paint it white and pasting of photos mixed postcards on one of my walls. It will look messy but I love being messily neat! Also partly because the wall that I'm gonna paste is directly facing the door. So it's kind of like a first impression thing. It feels good to throw things and get some new stuff. Happy CNY people! :D

It's a new year dude

2012-01-01T02:06:00.000-08:00

I didn't spend it alone and that's what my guy emphasized on! Really happy to see him! Yes! We don't get to see each other twenty four seven like seven eleven okay! Got the first xoxo in 2012 from him! ;)

Can't wait for my bird day! Might not be something big but at least I'm gonna turn eighteen! And I just feel so elated right now! Happy New Year people! Honestly didn't feel the difference in the change of year, but probably changing my pillow cover would give me the feel! Hehe! If you are reading this, I love you baby! I really can't believe we've walked this far. Four more months!

One week of Korea

2011-12-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

My overview of Korea wasn't very positive. I always used to think Koreans were very .. polite and not less bit aggressive. So well, it's good to experience Korea yourself, it really is. Else you won't get to know how they really react. They speak in a very polite manner which I suppose is their culture. But what really irks me is they don't bother apologizing or even say "excuse me" when they want to walk in the Subway train. They just bang you! My! I didn't really expect that from them you know. It's like woah! And luckily I learn their "culture of banging", so for the next few days I just bang them too whenever I want to alight. ;)

So! We live in a hotel called ArtNouveau City which is located at the Central Business District (I hate that!). Cause the shops seem to close quite early in the night unlike those places which are more happening. hahaha! But the streets were kind of smelly when the evening hits. Probably cause it's winter thus everything is like dried up?

Looks really grand eh? But well, I would rate it at most three? Cause there's no bathtub plus the walls are not soundproof. So imagine if a couple were to make love in their room, woah ho ho. But their blanket is really warmth! ^^

I won't elaborate day by day. But mainly more on what I really like & dislike about it. hehe!
And it is very true every meal has kimchi along with it. Not just kimchi but radish too. (Yucks for me. I hate veg!) Okay not every every every meal actually. There was this one night we went out, a little after 12am, supposingly to eat some grilled chicken. But it's close so we headed to some other shops to check out. Then instead of kimchi as the "free" dish, it's salad. Oh ya by the way, there is many free things in Korea. Like their kimchi as side dish, it's free! I ate the salad cause I had no other choice, but the dressing was yummy! Linnea & I were already one quard to sleeping soundly but for the sake of Korean Food, we got up and dread our feet down! hahaha!

Oh oh! There was this one morning Mr Tan treated us to porridge! I had salmon porridge! What I really like about it is that even though there's many vegetables in it like carrots, etc, I do like the porridge! It is really so yummy yummy yummy! And I'm craving for it already, now!

Talking about food, the first first first food I had there is probably the strawberry cheese waffle and it is so damn nice that I crave for waffle the next six days and going on even until now! Plus I'm actually pretty much kind of sick that I have to eat vegetable in most meals. But Thank God, Mr Tan treated us to a restaurant where whatever he ordered is mostly chicken. ^^ Yayness! They are spicy too but I'm too hungry to complain. hahaha!

Plus apparently, I do like their salmon sandwich! Even though it has veg in it you know! Urgh! Just realized I didn't take photos of my salmon sandwich! Damn! It's really nice! Ala! I remembered! I did take it! Plus green tea latte photos! But I think it's because Linnea took the photos from my memory card thus it can't be read. Urgh! I hate it! The green tea latte looks really really nice! The green is just so the green that would attract me! Damn!

And trust me, I did finish this even though there is my all time dislike green beans and carrots in it. *proud girl*

There's green tea at almost everywhere in Korea! I love green tea! Not those Pokka green tea but macha kind of green tea. I love them to the bits! Thus, I wouldn't mind staying at Korea! It's unlike Singapore, I rarely get green tea ice cream nearby & etc. Oh! And their green tea latte doesn't taste like coffee at all! I love it so much! Sad that I didn't have enough money to buy a pack back. :'(

Had the lettuce wrap kind of meal for two days, and not that sick of it to be honest. But I personally don't really like pork. But it's nice! And wrap them with radish would be nicer I swear! Tried their Coffee Bean there too. For that kind of weather, Hot Vanilla is just great! Plus I had time to relax and drink it unlike in Singapore, I actually felt quite stressed up.

Well, on days which we do not have any dance classes, we watched performances. ;) And I would say .. Korean dancers have really swift movements and it's just wonderful to watch them dance. Just a little draggy. But for some items, I really got to admit I fell deep asleep. It's too boring for me, especially those either solos or guy duets. But there was this one item, the female dancers were dancing naked for probably either half the dance or quarter at the very least. That dance piece was great just a little too draggy. I mean in Singapore, how often do you see such appropriate naked scenes? Or probably none? Even for Arts, it's kind of tough to survive. Plus their lighting are really cool, their stage, wow! And I actually drew for myself the very first eyeliner! Hoping to get the hang of it! Hehehe! *proud girl once again*

All in all, everyone was really happy. They seem to be at least. :D! Anyway, I've been wearing this pair of contacts which I bought from Korea for three days in a row! Gotta take them out later when I'm home! And it's not that bad to lose a pair of specs in Singapore before I left. Korea spectacles look really pretty. hehe! I got myself one too but got to do the lens in Singapore. Cause I don't have time there. It's really great to go on a vacation (though it's a work trip!)! And I do hope I'll have a chance to go with my guy! It is so such a bliss if I get to go on a vacation with him. *hehehe* And thank Goodness I didn't get him MacDonald while waiting for his meeting to end. (I've waited for two and a half hours & counting on!) Imagine the soggy fries, I don't even know if he likes soggy fries. But I do, a lot! hehehe! Uhhh, green tea latte, strawberry waffles.

Mew mew mew

2011-11-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

Second time

2011-11-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

I just feel like hugging you and you look so cute.

Day 16

2011-10-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

Another picture of yourself

Wee! I love my life now with many ups and downs going on. hehe! At least whatever I'm learning from school is making me busy. I just need to catch up on Gossip Girl once vacation starts. Ciaos! And hell yeah, three more days of work and I'm done working there! Which means I would have more breathing space from November on! \m/

What makes me happy and always smiling

2011-09-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

Day 14

2011-09-03T00:20:00.000-07:00

Pictures of 5 celebrity crushes.

Last but not the least, David Steven Call. I can't really find his picture. Anywayzzzz, he starred in Gossip Girl Season Four! hehe.

2011-08-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just felt that I expect too much. But the thing is, the expectations just set themselves in me.

Day 13

2011-08-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

To that someone.
I don't know if it hurts me or what, but I did cry. I don't know why the hell I cried either. You know the feeling of someone who pissed you off and I don't know, you just can't do any single shit so you broke down and cry. Ikr. This is considered not long ago? Anyway it fits to the "hurt you recently" part. I was really really stressed that day. I don't know why, I guess I just panicked for every shit I have to do for my role. I know you meant good in wanting to surprise me. And I really do wanna see you you know. It's like after a hard day at work, the feeling you get when you see your love one. I was really really freaking freaking bloody bloody bloody super pissed off and I was pissed that I can't do anything as well. I was so freaking tired I don't really wanna care. I have so many things to carry too on that day, my heavy bag (as always) and my A3 art file. I don't mind wasting my time or even money travelling just to catch a glimpse of you. You do know that you don't have to send me off right. Even if I have to sit with you on the train until South View LRT and just get off while you train home, I'm really happy enough. I did see all the text the moment I received them but I just don't know what to reply. I was so pissed, so stressed that I can actually just tell you I wanna see you, I wanna fetch you home even if it's so late in the night yet at the same time, I felt I can't do anything at all. I felt really really screwed up before knowing you wanting to surprise me. And your surprise could actually make my day end more than just fine/happy/anything positive. It will make my day like what, more than the feeling I know I will get in Heaven? It's like I will float on the ninth cloud! I felt like I'm back to my old self where I would cry my problems away, not wanting anyone in my home to know I'm crying and it's so rare cause it just stabs me in the heart and I was really hurt plus angry? Anywayyyyyyyyyy, it's over. My life still goes on and blablabla. Don't know what more to say and I don't want to build the anger or whatever you want to name that again. I remembered it happened on a Saturday. I didn't fast the next day because somehow, I know it's stupid, I don't find why I must do it, why I must fast. I think I really just screwed that day up. But I'm just curious, did you really cry the next morning when you woke up?

<3, princess.

Day 12

2011-08-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

How you found out about tumblr and why you made one

Okay, change the "tumblr" to "blogger" kay. winks. To be honest, I've seriously forgotten why. But I mean blogger is quite hip during that period of time so I created one as well ? I suppose so. It's during what .. late Primary school ? hahaha. I don't like facing the computer everyday but at least when I feel really down or super elated about some things, I can type it out instantly cause handwritten takes quite awhile. Typing is easier for me, & probably for eighty percent of the people? Plus example if I'm writing about something really negative, my handwriting will definitely be from neat nice to really illegible handwriting. But I still keep diary. & I also realized that I don't really blog recently even though I have so many things in my mind. Too busy perhaps?

Day 11

2011-08-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

Another picture of you and your friends

Day 10

2011-07-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Right now, they would be ..

ni bu hui by S.H.E

California King Bed by Rihanna

Falling by Florence And The Machine

Rolling in the deep by Adele

Give me Everything by Pitbull

Whatever You Like by Anya Marina

Glad You Came by The Wanted

and of course, wo yao kuai le by Ah mei!

Day 9

2011-07-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Well well well. Hmm, probably my diet! hehehe! I've been eating soupy food since last Wednesday ? And I'm really happy I actually kind of used to it. Like it's getting into a habbit already. wee u weet! & I saw my brother's phone! It has my photo and "sister" as tha contact! What's up! hehehe! I feel so sweet!

Day 8

2011-07-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

Short term goals for this month and why

Okay ...................................
July is ending so I set the goal I have for August la. hehe. Well well well, it's not really a short term I suppose. But here are some of my goals! Like slimming down. I'm trying to change my diet already so instead of one week one fruit day and eating like how I ate for the rest of the days. I'm going to change to having soupy things every meal, probably twice a day? But I'm still gonna continue with my one week one fruits day la. Wait wait, or should I just eat soupy meals like normal twice a day every day then probably after August, I eat a whole week of just fruits and plain water. Then after that particular week, I'll have my one week one fruits day and soupy meal diet? hmm. But I'll fast. ^^. yes, the Malay fasting thing. I know I can. winks! And I realized I'm only so conscious about my size this year. ew, must be dance la. My weight is okay, for me. I mean forty eight/nine, which is the last time I weight, I'm fine with it. teehee!

Next is definitely my split la. Okay, my overall flexibility la. It's like omg, so weak I swear. I can feel the improvements though. But it's definitely not enough. For me, I don't think dancing everyday will bring the best out of me. It's like if I have dance today, then for the next two to three days is free day. I will have the craving to stretch cause I don't stretch at home. So when the next dance training comes, I'll stretch to my maximum, then feel the pull, it's freaking shiok I swear. Then from there, can I see a improvement. But sometimes I will tend to hurt myself. If I couldn't hold my balance properly, I'll hurt my ankle a little. Like the feeling of going to sprain your ankle but you just didn't but you just felt it la.

Following would be .. er.. er.. er.. improve on my drawing skills drastically. yes, DRASTICALLY. It sounds really extreme right? Well, should it happen, I would scream miracle. Since I'm going Nafa, I suppose that one month is probably about improving our drawing skills. And seriously, my drawing skills suck. Really. Perhaps that explains why I gotten a F9 for O level Art. But I used tracing paper lei. Whatever it is, God gave me a chance, I'm gonna make full use of it. I still thinks that I'm the last few or even the really last one to be chosen, (it's sad though, really quite depressing at times) but I'm just gonna pull through it like a tough guy man. hehe! All I need is baby's love. Oh oh, it's even more depressing when Mr Tan keeps telling me that studying there is a really busy thing. Example the schedule. It would pull up to night time. Okay, it's not depressing. It just adds on to the pressure, kind of. But I believe if studying there works out, I will be like a pro in time management. Haha! Plus, I can't let it affect my relationship. Somehow, I just felt that way like it's difficult to keep it if ......................... well, I don't know how to put it in words. So yea, tada! I got to do my things already, I actually used the time I should do in my admin work to blog. It's not a correct thing but well, it does start my day. hehe! Oh oh, and I got a holga! Gonna figure it out later night or probably on Sunday, after I get it from the seller.

Wait, I haven't answered the why part. It's simple! Sometimes people need goals in their lives to motivate them and push them forward! hehe! It's also to make me a better princess and well, there's something I can do in life! ^^

Day 7

2011-07-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I really just want to run away

2011-07-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously. what the fuck is wrong with you. I really do want to know your background sometimes you know. I can still remember strongly vividly so fucking clearly that our relationship is getting better. Really. but after that fucking accusation of what me getting pregnant? I said I won't talk to you. I know it's my fault cause what I always flirt, I'm always with guys, with boyfriend, playful, like a fucking slut, a whore. Wear like a fucking ah lian. Vain.Vandalised and nearly got into a police case. Throw away food you cook. Always buy things like a fuck. Always don't want to go childcare in the past. You name it la. Every single thing I do, you judge. Don't you have better happier things in life ?! Then to judge your fucking own daughter. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really from your fucking womb, I don't even look a single fuck like you. You always said we are always the fucking ones making the home so messy & so fucked up. But I've been clearing also alright. But my way is different, mine is to throw away fucking things. Come on, you can't keep every single fuck shit things under the fucking roof. Yea, it's true, dad spent like a fuck too. buy this buy that. buy all unnecessary things. But at least some are really nice & I think they are pretty much the things that are most needed to keep this family intact. That painting is so nice, it might be just birds, but always when I see it at my grandma's home, it just brings me so much flashback. so fucking much pain in it. We are rebellious, not your guai guai kid. Then you always kpkb us. We are not like him, he so guai, everything listen to you ma. Went to childcare for the full fucking six years. Didn't complain a single shit. Work his ass off. Yea, he's really good. So damn fucking good you can't lose him right. When he brought his girlfriend home you didn't say a single shit. Then when he brought his girlfriend home, you nagged so much the next fucking morning. Why ? Just cause you think she's an ah lian? Debbie is so so so good. I might not know her that well, but I really felt like she can be my sister in law, at least I felt that if they got married, no matter what they undergo, they will be there for each other. At least that's what I felt. Why must you judge her. why must you judge me. Seeing me suffer, making me cry makes you grin right. makes your heart shine like a fucking buddha glow right. fuck you. fuck you in the face. I was really so determined to make the relationship a better one already, then you come up with all these shit. Sometimes, it's just too much to handle you know. Why can't I have a happy family that takes thousand of family photos and hung them all around the fucking house feeling so fucking proud. I really do think it's better without me in this home man. or better still, me and him. All we do is just what .. takes dad's money. So yea, to teach us a lesson, throw us out. really. Anyway this house is like a hotel to him already what. He might not tell me things like why do they fight and stuff like that. But I do. that's what sister do and being the big brother, he would try to tell me indirectly that it's not bad. In the past, when I was young, I always wish he's at home the moment I come home. I mean he's the only person that I can totally relate to. like anything. We are usually the ones that are the last to sleep in the home. At least I felt he's my brother. just by staying up late, doing his own things and me doing mine. Just sitting on the bed beside him makes me feel like he's my brother. I really miss sleeping in between you & dad. Really so much. I'm a failure, I failed at doing my duty, I don't help in household chores or anything. In fact, I add on more for you all these years. I really do salute myself. I'm so happy laughing giggling giggling laughing when I'm with my friends, having so much joky shit. But whenever I came home, I have to face your idk, nonsense I call them? It used to be all of us fetching dad whenever he comes back from a work related overseas trip. But over the years, I see that I'm like the only one who's always asking if you're going to fetch daddy. And I felt sad and lonely whenever I have to take the long MRT ride all the way to Changi alone. He's quite caring to you you know. he always will ask if your wine is finish and would always be willing to buy for you from Airport. I feel so failed whenever dad has to come home on his own. I mean he can. But I wouldn't want that. I would really want someone to fetch me whenever I come back from overseas. Even if it's my dog if I ever own one, just somehow the dog miraculously make his way to the airport just to lick my cheek. Probably the biggest regret you ever had was giving birth to us. Us. Him & I only. Wouldn't it be so much wonderful ? My life with you were all just accusations and judgment. Remember you accused me of stealing your money so fucking confidently. I said it wasn't me. but you doubt it. I wasn't even fucking close to your purse. And it's true, thinking about it, I can't recall any happy memories with you. I might sound like a princess but today is my day. It's suppose to be. But I feel so tired followed by shitty followed by dying. There is so much more but I'm really just so fucking tired to list down all the fuck.

Day 6

2011-07-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

Favourite super hero and why

The minute I read that, the only hero that came to my mind is Storm and I've been taking quite a few days thinking why her. I don't know but I do love Storm in the past. When I watch X Men, she is the only one I will want to look at. If she's not in the scene then I would just walk away and come back later. haha! Maybe because she's a female that's why I like her the first time I spot her. haha! And even though that the other female, that Cyclops's girlfriend arh? Is also a female but she has a cunning look lei. And my impression of her wasn't good okay, I remembered her trying to kill Wolverine!! Then she semi destroyed the place and fled! Cause someone was like controlling her mind instead of her herself? Urgh!

Anyway I yahoo abit about Storm and I realized I do like her physical ability which is the total immunity to extreme weather conditions and temperatures of heat and cold. She can also see in near-complete darkness, plus plus she's one of those with the strongest will. Hmm, sounds quite independent and strong! ;)

Day 5

2011-07-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

I swear this place really makes my life so damn happening. & many funny things happened here which are so memorable. wee u weet! Gonna have picnic soon! :D. Excited!

Day 4

2011-07-08T23:32:00.000-07:00

A habit that you wish you didn’t have

.. that would obviously be the biting of my nails. It's actually quite a typical thing to do la, since young. I supposed if I didn't have this habit, my nails would be looking so fantabulous by now. It's so so so zigzag now! Everyone knows I bite my nails. But on a happier side, I love my nails! Like really really love my nails! They are so small & cute! So maybe that's not really the habit I wish I didn't have la. hahah! Pointless!

Then then, it'll probably be my laziness. Always always always after a dance performance which require make ups, I would be super lazy to clean them off using the remover. Esp if it's night performance, so when I reach home, I'll just lie flat on my bed & slowly I'll fall deep into my sleep. I know it's very unhygienic la but I'm really dead tired. So yea, unless after my performance, I have time to remove else I'll just stick to it until the next morning cause I'll definitely bathe. ;)

Day 3

2011-07-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

A picture of you and your friends

Day 2

2011-07-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

The meaning behind your tumblr name

Okay, I don't have a tumblr. So so so, my blog name la. Demure: discreet, mature. Mostly referred to ladies. While urchin means a mischievous boy. It's very contradicting. I loike. I just wanted to change the url that time but I don't have anything in mind. So I took out my dictionary and just flip to a page and demure was the first word I saw and I just fall in love with the word. hahaha! Ikr! Then the next page leads me to letter U. Then I spent a few minutes looking through all the words on that U page and the word Urchin looks nice. So yup. ^^

Day 1

2011-07-05T23:56:00.000-07:00

A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

1. I love to laugh and giggle a lot despite the fact that I don't have nice teeth. I got scolded once when I was primary five, for laughing. Zz ?! okay, I was laughing at the wrong time la.

2. I'm actually contented with my boobs size though sometimes I do wish it's a little bigger. (same for my height!)

3. I do save messages in my phone which are very meaningful to me.

4. I can run long distance, so don't judge my size! (Bet you guys don't believe I came in 2nd for my cross country last year right!)

5. I swear I am fucking fucking fucking scared of roller coaster or anything that requires me to leave the ground. Like really I will scream my lungs out to make me feel better & safer.

6. I love being single & all alone (not lonely) even though I usually have a boyfriend.

7. I've stolen my dad's money before when I was what, secondary one ? and actually got caught once but he didn't scold me. Not that it's a good thing but I've grown up now and I know that money isn't easily earned so I really love him for not being harsh on me. I think he knows I need money that time ? And actually, after learning more from my friends, many of them do steal from their parents too. Like you see all guai guai one then this kind of thing.

8. If I'm determined to arrange my room's furniture, I would. I will have them done by the end of the day before I sleep. Like I will push the wardrobe, television, bed & etc all by myself.

9. I loike travelling alone, it makes me think and reflect.

10. I cannot be with friends too long of a time, I don't like it when awkward silence starts to grow.

11. It's really true. It's not that I'm anti social, it's just that I have no common topics with you or probably I just don't like your presence.

12. I don't like wearing bra. It's so much more comfortable.

13. Often, I would imagine that someone close to me or even myself, getting into accident/diseases and ended up in hospital or even funeral. Don't ask me why I have such thoughts but it always always happens and I really don't know why.

14. I love sex.

15. I prefer to have a guy best friend then a female one. (used to have one though but it all sucks la) Cause seriously, females rarely keep secrets while for guys, even if they spill it out, they'll just forget about it and move on in life. Is that probably why females gossip more ? hmm.

the urge

2011-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

Saw this on one of the blogs which she saw on tumblr so I've decided to post it. Anyway I have nothing to blog on so .. why not right! :D

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your tumblr name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favourite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- Pictures of 5 celebrity crushes.
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/ being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?

Meaningless without them

2011-06-26T03:37:00.000-07:00

Well oh well. I tried giving small surprise birthday celebrations to two of my best women in my life- baby and my darling! Don't know if it's a success surprise though. Their bird days were five days apart ? And yes, both their cakes were from Coffee Bean. (I like okay! But obviously cakes from other places are nicer la in terms of the cake itself plus their varieties.) Nathaynia's was warm chocolate cake. My #2 favourite cake while darling's was Chocolate of a Thousand Leaves. It's not bad, not too chocolaty as the sponge part blends in well. And their big cards are still in the midst of completing. Okay, the truth is I have yet to start la. It's not going to be easy, I can sense it. :(. But I'm determined to have them done! :D! Ah, should have taken a photo of the advance card I made for darling. I swear I feel damn proud, cause it's a super last minute thing and yet, I feel it's considered .. a complete card actually. And the paper I used for darling's card was supposingly a big squarish paper. But I tore it into halves so she has one half while I have the other. Sweet right! Ikr! :P

Omg, this coming week is going to be tough. Not just the card but I'm working every single weekday. Even if it's just five hours, it still adds to my income. ^.^! Cause my dad told me he's not going to give me pocket $$ for six weeks due to the NAFA thing la. Last week was the first so this week is the second. And it's gonna be tough given that I'm such a spendthrift. (I want to invest more on accessories!) So so so, I hope my days pass fast and payday will reach soon! Happygal94. Sometimes I do wish that $$ can be reprinted by myself. muahahaha! After my work, I'll be heading to ODT to do more work. But my teacher has yet to approve on my four to eight pm schedule. I just want to be fair and spend nearly the same amount of hours on each. But I'll be sad cause I won't get to see my man. I nearly died not seeing him for days during school vacation. And recently, I dreamt of him twice but they weren't good dreams. ew. But I did daydream about something else. ^.^! Ah, I'm always full of plans. Teehehe! Anyway baby got to rest from his skating fund raising thing too. So yup, he really got to rest after all his rahrah/presentation/blabla. Lao shi knows that I have a boyfriend already. Zz right. So much thanks, to Calvin lo. It's not that I don't want adults to know but it's just not the time yet. I KNOW WHEN THE RIGHT TIME COMES. And some adults should seriously just stop being a b.i.y.a.c.h.t. Like those gossipy aunties below the blocks. Still, my perception of aunties has not change one bit. :D. I might be like them one fine day but I mean come on la, if they bring hell to my life, I don't see a point in smiling to them. Aiya, what am I talking about. Zz.

Alright alright, I really got to sleep. At least take a nap. It's going three dot dot three zero. I've changed my mind, I'm going USS later. So it's gonna be a tiring yet fun (I hope!) day. I'm quite excited! I mean I've never been to USS before in my whole damn life you know! But this meant that I'll have to do my hug vouchers some other time since next week will be my waraku plus odt week. I know I'm going to be so drained out but I love busy life! ^.^V! It's been a while since I fill my days with things I like! I'm really really tired my eyes are closing. Bye! I miss my man! pfft! He better come back in one piece else I'll tear the world apart. haha! That's a joke anyway, about tearing the world apart.

When was the last time I felt so shy

2011-06-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

For the probably second period of time in my life, I'm idling at home, getting past the days just like that. But actually to think about it, it's not a bad thing. I get to spend less money, thus eating lesser thus fulfilling my daily diet. Suddenly I felt it's really really a good thing. hahaha!
I watch Titanic today, a movie I wanted to watch badly. So one fine day, I caught it on Star Movies so I recorded it only to watch it a week or so later. I didn't really want to watch it today actually. But it strike me that I should cause I've been praying that somehow I'll get to watch it and I really somehow on my tv and it's there. So I need to watch it before it's gone la.

But midway, Calvin called and informed me that lao shi wants the admin work to be done by this Saturday. I don't know but for a instant, I felt like why am I doing all these. It's true I don't get paid but I don't mind doing all these you know. I really don't know, I just felt urgh. It's like sometimes people don't even know they are the one pissing you off. Anyway, I told him to ask lao shi if I could take a break until Friday then from Saturday on, I'll just concentrate on work and dance work. because afterall, I still need my source of income. I know studying in NAFA won't be easy if you are not a rich ass. And it's gonna be tough having to compete with so many talents. So I hope I'll get to know a great bunch of friends given that I need a huge amount of peer pressure to keep my motivation going.

And supposedly, I still got to attend school. But I somehow figured that it's kind of useless so I just didn't go. I felt quite sad that they had to go through the tough marketing lessons when I saw their tweets this afternoon. I heard Jimmy's angry today and that the marketing lesson today is a very unhappy one. I mean I feel like a bastard not going through with them. I may not talk much in class (so not me right! IKR!) or my jokes are all so lame but I believe that somehow I still can click with them lei. And I really do miss their presences even though it's only like what .. less than two months ? It still feels good being able to twit with them, cause the last time I did that was probably weeks ago ? I don't know. There are some friends I really don't want to lose.

And Somehow I felt that my boy isn't really happy about it, about me not going to school. I don't know, just what I feel la. My boy's asleep right now. Though the love isn't so so so deep yet but I really do miss him. And sometimes I really wonder why do I even have a relationship. To be truthful, I prefer flings then being in a relationship. They each have their good and bad obviously. Probably cause I don't really feel much confidence when I'm in a relationship ? That's why being in a fling kind of relationship is more relax ? I know myself, I don't have the body figure and blablabla and there's much more females out there looking so much better having a better personality or whatsoever. So obviously I will feel lose out what. It's common ma, definitely will be the thoughts of every female. I mean which guy doesn't want their girl to be like the best of everything right. But I do find myself cute at times. Teehee! And I don't know why people like to say other bhb when one finds himself/herself cute, pretty or anything good la. I mean if there's no-confidence times, there would surely be times where the confidence is so high up like the sky ma. Just like there's Heaven and there's hell. Anyway, I don't know if he regretted like asking me to be his but at least for now, it's still happy memories. So not that bad la, for me, I guess. I just don't want this to be like my previous relationship where one moment we love like never before and another, we turn each other's life upside down to a burning hell. Okay, I do like this kind of relationship cause somehow at the end of the day, you two will just feel so much stronger I swear. But aiya, I don't know.

See see see! My eyebrow like a bush only. Moving on! One last thing I want to blog about is the upcoming trip to USS this Sunday. I don't know if darling will read this before I tell her myself. But I hope she reads first la. I just don't want to be feeling like how my pretty bitch felt, she went to USS with her secondary school people and it wasn't quite a happy day because the friendship wasn't really like the same as before. Which which which, I felt that I'm in the same situation. But in the first place, I was never really in the group actually. I'm kind of like go with different friends you see. So basically, the group that I'm in is just because I'm with my darling. To come to think about it, I'm not close with the rest of them. Aiya, I'll just let her know by tomorrow hopefully. Even if I still have to pay, I'm okay just that I won't turn up la. I believe she will understand. :). But I'll just make her frown once again. :(. Baby's still sleeping. Sigh. When will he ever knows that sleeping early makes me worry lesser. I don't know why but whenever I see him sleeps, I'll just smile. And right now, I hope I'll scream meow muacks so he'll be awake!

He always makes my day, no matter rain or shine

2011-06-12T03:25:00.000-07:00

Yes yes, he. The one I'm blissfully in love with- Mr Haris. I know it's too fast for us to fall in love, it's only like two weeks and we really did. But who cares! We're young, wild and free! Rock on. All my dear friends may seem worried it's a little too more than fast but they still do care and show love for my new relationship. Teehehehe! I was pretty much force to blog something out of this space. No, something specifying him in fact. Haha! I really love that boy la, he's so cute he don't want to admit he's a photographer! (who doesn't know how to hug too!)

I had a little hard time after alighting at Bukit Panjang just now. So I decided to walk home. Actually, not. I wanted to walk thru that lane which is behind the houses opposite Regent Secondary School. I ended up not doing so as it was really dark and blurry without my spectacle on. So I just headed home the normal way. I think a lot. And yes, it's true when females are quiet and alone, they do think! A lot! So I was in this dilemma for almost a week or two on whether to stay at Republic Polytechnic or to study at NAFA. I chose the latter in the end. I'll be signing the contract and etc one day next week. Now then I realize I like both courses therefore it's very difficult to choose what I really want. And I've been crying for days because of this too. It's like one of my worst period of life too I suppose. I've asked many many many of my friends which should I choose but I felt none actually gives me good sentence why I should stay at RP/why I should go NAFA. Plus Mr Michael and Lao shi has been telling almost everyone about my course I got in RP. It's like I'm doing a big thing and they are giving me pressure but in a good way actually. I just wanted their support.

Anyway, since I've chosen, I will not let my dad down, I swear. I think he struggles a lot too before allowing me to have such change and I'm sure he is going to struggle even after I'm in the school. Cause afterall, studying in a private institution is really all about money. Plus it's design, the materials cost itself is really like a "woah!"

Only now when I'm withdrawing then do I miss my classmates. So much I really wish NAFA didn't send me the letter. So I could just stay there and have fun with them while getting to know them more! I've thought of so much things like joining Club G, being a volunteer helper with my classmate for some events, so much! :(. Plus they are the one who taught me how to play L4D2 and have so much fun! Whether it's just looking at others play, it's so damn funny I swear!

But worst of all, baby and I will be so far away from each other even though we lived so near. This is pretty much the main thing that always caused me to feel sour without fail whenever I think about my decision. I don't even know my timetable, plus our vacations don't tally. I don't wanna make promises yet but I wanna be strong and I know I will. Cause you know, couples do drift apart and slowly they'll just be a part. sniff sniff! Honestly, I'm quite excited for my school, cause I meant like I'm gonna learn something I've always wanted! Right! At the same time, I've very very nervous too! I'm going to meet all sorts of people and their art skills are gonna be super super great! But I strongly feel that they are very arrogant, still. But but! They do have great fashion sense lei! I like. hehe!

Actually I'm also afraid cause I know I need peer pressure to keep me pushing. So if they are like arrogant people then I don't think they will give me motivation ? Hahaha! On the brighter side, not all are like that right. There will definitely be fun loving people too! Just like me! Alright alright, enough of my school stuff. Cause I'll be just talking, I haven't sign the damn contract! haha! Okay, I'll be ordering this snake print bracelet! IKR! But it's really damn nice! oh oh! This might be months ago! but I really want to thank babe for giving me the fisheye camera as a gift! She always try to get things that she knows I like and want. And I really really do miss her a lot!
So, wish me best of luck plus effort! :D. For a new journey! It's not going to be easy I know but I know too, that love will brings me through! teehehe! Happygal_94!

You are so cute I wanna bite chu

2011-05-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a happy girl now! Cause I'm going to go to ODT already! Though I'm a little reluctant to go there, I still want to like go there. You know ? The feeling of not wanting to go somewhere where you're dying to go to ? And Charmaine! I'm going to have dinner with my dearest baby & Charmaine later on as well! Time for some ketchup cause we really having been doing that since our last run together weeks ago. :(. Anyway, last shoot with this leopard costume! Before it's returned back! Oh oh, and I'm a happy girl because he's not my last. ;)

I miss sending you blank messages which you would get my hints of texting first

2011-05-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

It's been really really long since my last post. My life's been good so far. Studying in a new school with a totally new teaching method and environment. I don't know why but I just love standing there, just watching you prepare ingredients/cook. I have yet to figure out what of you catches my eyes. I just felt loved receiving your message but at the same time, betrayed & slutty. I'm very hyped up today for idk what reason, thus incompleting my rj even till now -- 1:09am. Thank God that facilitor extended the deadtime. All I want to do was just listen to One of Us and admire photos, trying to find a suitable haircut as I'm getting sick of my current hairstyle. It's just so bushy and dry it doesn't match the curls. Probably gonna just make it simple and have a plain cut. I'm gonna get my rj started after a sweet short five minutes nap.

People in my life that I loathe is pretty much all named Andy

2011-03-27T01:14:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to use the last few minutes of my battery's life to blog about this uncivilised jackass. And probably by using the word "jackass" makes me seem like I'm uncivilised as well, I don't really give a damn cause I pretty much think that he deserve this title. Joan was correct. Correct that she once said, "soon enough, you'll get to see all the colours of them". And I've pretty much seen all of them already. So much that I want to quit cause it's really useless, totally plain useless, to work for them. I don't see why I must work so hard and get scolded for every single tiniest thing. In other words, it's just cleaning others' mess. He does give quite a few advice but please, I'm Serene. And Serene knows very well those advices she knows & can give. So I would rather serve the customers than listen to you talk. Probably the society is like this, that people have to clean others' mess but I believe there will be this day that I'll be on top of you. I'm not trying to be proud, I'm just trying to find justice for myself. Cause I'm someone who hates to be accused of anything, and once I'm accused, I'll give you all the attitude I can. Even more unreasonably, I'll loathe you from that moment on. I don't see a point why you must scold me brainless. Or even scold me when I told my darling to tell you my schedule. Probably it's really part of my fault for not telling you personally, then I think it's fully your fault that you actually asked me to punch your card for you. So since I get scolded for such tiniest thing, I won't let that happen again. I mean who loves to get scolded ? So same to you, NEVER ask me to punch for you again. Should that happen again, I'll probably dump your card into the toilet bowl and punch the handle instead. ;) I'm pretty much pissed off at you, just you in particular. Somehow I really just feel that you shouldn't be in your current position. The way you treat customers, I just want to ask you straight if you are actually opening any gangster store right now instead of JAPANESE pasta restrauant ? I don't care about other people's opinion whether you are worth your position but personally, you are not. I've never seen someone so lazy that you want everyone to work so that you can just rest one side. It's not you that's working hard almost every single day, it's me & my friend. All you guys did is just gamble your day through. I don't know if this is considered evil but I prayed hard that you'll just lose ALL your assets one fine sunny day and I pretty much hope that is your worst day on. One last thing, don't use the word "promise" cause as far as I remembered, I've NEVER promise you any single thing. Use the one "said" instead. Personally, it's more of your standard. I don't see how calling me brainless can earn you respect. I mean seriously, look carefully in Waraku, who really gives who respect. I can say it out loud that I'm not going to stay there for long. So what if the pay rise ? It's my darling that's stopping me from quitting currently, not physically though. Should I really is brainless, then you are very much heartless and probably not even born with a brain cause I assumed mine is lost halfway through the journey of my life. All you know is judge how plus sized I'm getting and things similar to this. One day, I'm just going to tell you straight in your face the reason why I quit.
This is human life. Many people are in my life, but not all are part of it. Till now then I realised that Joan's presence means so much to me. Her words, even more. She's so real that she left such a strong impression in my life & I'm allowing it to be part of my life.

我们遥远的距离似乎好像被拉近了一些些

2011-03-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

我真想休闲一天, 话都不说, 只开着电脑, 听 "My heart will go on". Else, watching drama all day & rest at any time I want. Cause I really need this day, to get to know myself even more. 我真想知道我人生最终会是这么样的.

I literally broke down

2011-03-07T00:24:00.000-08:00

I'll try. I just need time right ? I know.
I just wanna type. It's hidden so deep down for so long. I just need this moment to let all out.

I don't even get the closest support I supposingly need

2011-02-20T23:43:00.000-08:00

I used to detest & complain how much I dislike my birthday falling on Valentine's Day. Cause it's like two in one coffee package? And I am really a more to the romance kind of person so I would really wish it can be a day staying home, cuddling and just enjoy rented DVDs. I'm just plain lazy to have celebrations, party, whatever. Or probably because my family doesn't celebrate birthdays ever since I'm in primary school. But now, I think otherwise. In fact, I love that I was born on Valentine's Day and I'm slowly appreciating this lovely fact. My seventeenth birthday was fun, (secondly) memorable too. I was cake-smashed straight in the face, be it due to hatred or just for fun, and was unnecessarily being hit by two ears by both ears. Followed by icy water & some really smelly Squid Ink sauce mixed with flour and blablabla. It was pretty fun even though I was really badly bullied. And the best part of my seventeen birthday was a surprise cake from Baby Ng a few days after my birth day. I supposed that was the very first time I'm birthday(ly) surprised. I'm really really happy and just plain touched and surprised. However, it all became memories, pretty much just another day and life still goes on. ;) Well, for now, I'm back to those school days where I have really terrible flu and it just disrupt my sleep every night.

What if you really know me earlier than her

2011-02-12T01:11:00.000-08:00

I really just want to stop everything at that moment you look at me so near, so close I can't breathe I can't think.
You will just be on my mind & all those happy moments, they'll just keep repeating in my mind. But one thing for sure is that I won't be that third ass breaking things up.
Happy Serene, always playing. :D

Hell break loose

2011-01-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

So my life now is just missing dance. I really really want to dance & I just miss the anxiety that corks up just before performance. It always felt uneasy but at the same time, great to the max. My daily routine would be the same until I get into Poly. & I pretty much hope my appeal would be a success. Even if it's RP which means no design for me, R28 pleasezxzxss!! Anyway, my daily routine would be dance work dance home. Days when I have no work would definitely be days when I'll be at ODT. Though sometimes I overslept but I kind of like this life still. Cause I feel comfortable being at ODT. I should get going! ;D

Is she the one holding the other key? @2011, January 8th.

2011-01-08T05:18:00.000-08:00

As much as I want to not feel that I'm being paranoid or whatever shit, the feeling is still there. I know I asked a lot when I realized he's unhappy. I don't know, I just want to know why. I feel upset when I see his frustrated face. I'm even more upset at myself that I can't be of any help. Cause in the past when friends are unhappy, I did something at least, whether it helps cheer them up, I don't know. But one thing for sure is that I will definitely try something anything, making a smile out of their frowning faces. But what's happening right now is I don't know what to do, even that small thing I did, I'm very much not contented at it. I'm happy there, I had fun but everything's just so weird, so unsafe. There's so many things to consider, different people different views & experience. One group showing the same faces each day & another day, giving me those judging eyes. While another group is just "don't know is it real good to you" type. I know I'm irritating when I complain (to you Darling) but I'm just so so so tired, so so so mentally tired. Because I don't know what to believe! So much that I don't want to trust anyone or believe anything, I just want a base, a foundation so I could place my own opinion. I must thank him I actually got out of the dark down world I was forcefully placed to, I'm a happy Serene right now. He somehow made me able to be myself again so I don't want him to look un-him too. If this is not the first time already then perhaps a few more times, I'll sure be used to it. Cause probably after all I'm really just thinking too much. So this is how it feels like being not appreciated. Ending with a really heavy sigh. hais. Suddenly I just want to be served & not serve. I want a rainbow cake. :(. Having judged eyes are really just plain shit. If the person want to have sex, let it be! Wanna be a mismatch fashionista, let it be! If the person want to be a pervert, let it be! If the person want to be an ass, let it be!!

Review, Preview, just view. @2010, December 29th.

2010-12-29T23:51:00.000-08:00

Bloody shit. no more resolutions larh! Just dance on & enjoy!

I miss you just like how I've missed you last December. @ 2010, December 26th.

2010-12-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

☃: Marry x2 Xmas Eve!
☃: Marry x2 Christmas!
☃: Happy x2 Boxing Day!

I'm going to be this wise girl. @ 2010, December 13th.

2010-12-13T22:52:00.000-08:00

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
by Marilyn Monroe. ;)

Cigar K. net @ 2010, December 13th.

2010-12-13T17:16:00.000-08:00

Time pass so fast. I miss them! Especially the Manager, he's so fun & so entertaining! ^^ & somehow he looks familiar too. Dong Hyun looks familiar when he dance with the lights. I just love all of their dance! Their speed, their liveliness in dance, their music !! :D

Never let it go, never give it up. @2010, November 23rd.

2010-11-23T02:03:00.000-08:00

If you think it's real happiness, go get it no matter what the risks are. Cause it's all worth the fight & you know it. After you've gotten it, nothing else matters, only that real happiness. You'll just be happy, mentally & physically, in every single thing you do. Even without speaking, your looks just shows it all. Never let it go once you detect it. & most importantly, never give it up. Keep believing, have faith. It might be just the thing to keep you alive & full of hope. You will not die with regrets but sweet cheeky smile & really lovely unforgettable memories & time spent. ^^

I miss painting! @2010, November 21st.

2010-11-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

Painted this picture of Paul Cezanne's last year. I just felt great painting that & I really really miss painting all of a sudden. Plus those Art lessons. Hmm, it's time I should add some polka dots to my room. ^^

You choose to discontinue believing me. @2010, November 17th.

2010-11-17T21:08:00.000-08:00

This is really it. I'm not gonna continue bothering & forcing myself not to bother. I just want to let nature take its course, to wherever I am supposed to be & whoever I should be. You are just another somebody that walks in & just simply walked out. When I say last, it's really going to be the last. I'm not going to let this drag my life down in any way. I'm going to move on just like how I've experienced all these in the past. I am not going to purposely make myself not care. I'm just gonna be me, the happy me that I am before having you. It didn't ended good but I'm sure it didn't ended regrettably either. It's not going to be the same old shit again. ;). There isn't a They, it's all just You.

Thought you would come forward. @2010, November 16th.

2010-11-16T01:20:00.000-08:00

Didn't really help out when I say I wanted to. Sorry! But really, it's a nice bbq at East Coast Park. Admiring the coast & realizing it's headlands & bay is a wonderful thing. (Now I know why Mr Yong loves Geography!) Also, big thanks to people who've taught me how to cycling! ;). They do have the patience teaching a beginner who's very scared of that bicycle. Now I realised I have a few small blue blacks here & there, but a huge one at the place where I placed my plaster. Still do not know how to start but it's a very good thing that I'm able to cycle already! And I'm really happy I sat on a breakwater! Haha. It's so nice up there, though risky. If only I could construct a home there, I would be living like I'm in Heaven I guess. Anyway, today is really great, near perfection I could say as there's always always no 100%. I do love the starting part too, really funny, where Hiukee & I got kind of lost waiting for a bus that would never operation on weekdays & walking underpass. I love everything of today! Yes, even the kicking of my slipper by him & I might just earn myself a chance to go home barefooted. Zz. *blink blink* It's been really fast that four years of school had just past. Many things happened this year & I've been really nonsensical in every way. But I know I'll still miss my class. At least that's what my brodo told me. Last but not least,

uKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ~

Dandelion clock. @2010, November 13th.

2010-11-13T16:37:00.000-08:00

How pretty can those valuable herbs get! Love them!
I'll get them tattooed when I'm eligible. ;)

In love @2010, November 7th.

2010-11-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

... with The Wanted. ^^

This ain't the Heartbreak Hotel,
Even though I know it well.
Those no shows, they sure tell,
In the way you hold yourself.
Don't you fret, should you get,
Another cancellation.
Give me a chance I'd make a,
Permanent reservation.

Heart Vacancy. @2010, November 3rd.

2010-11-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Bags of .. HEHEHE.

Home is such a quiet place now. @2010, October 13th.

2010-10-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Happy to see you are in love! Hehe!
Catch fish Catch fish! ^^

Don't leave girls wondering. @2010, September 23rd.

2010-09-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

Everything ends tonight, it's gonna be alright. :D

Everything's still so vivid in my mind, fading warrior. @2010, September 12th.

2010-09-12T06:42:00.000-07:00

I'm seeing some light in my Art pieces. Hopefully a sun by the end of the tunnel.

I just have the urge & need to see you. @2010, August 28th.

2010-08-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

I lied, but I just wanted to keep you (feeling) safe.
All I wanted was just to steal your heart away.
I have never cheated on you ever.
I just hope you would drink less & stay away from there.

Fireworks! ^^ @2010, August 9th.

2010-08-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

Managed to catch a glimpse of the fireworks from my room! :D

It's Singapore's birthday! @2010, August 9th.

2010-08-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

(I just realized that behind of the "small Singapore", it is the Maria Hertogh Riots magazine. hmm, significant much.)

HAPPY 45TH SINGAPORE! :D

You are at the top of my personal list. @2010. August 8th.

2010-08-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

These four years. I've experienced almost everything. The lost of an important friendship. The failed relationships. Anger, hatred, betrayal and everything you name it. Distance from friends, hardship from dance. It's the route I chose and I must endure until I see light. Though much tears. still with a smile. When you lost something/someone, it will be alright the next few days. Until weeks later then will the feelings start confusing you again.

If you are the bad guy, I'm no better.
Everything is not the same already and it is going to stay this way until you come to realize how hurtful it is. I really didn't foresee things between us will turn out to be all these crap. I believe I've chosen the right decision. You need me no more.

My tired weekends. @2010, 25th July.

2010-07-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

You're not worth the trust either. @2010, July 19th.

2010-07-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Just a quick quick quick post. That's it. Miss my grandma. Regret not going to the hospital. bye!

Nice shit. You'll get it soon. @2010, July 16th.

2010-07-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Can't wait to dance tomorrow. Okay, at least that's what I'm feeling now. ^^

self centered asshole. @2010, July 15th.

2010-07-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

Yay! Finally, I can rest. Away from this hectic & competitive world. The movie "Despicable Me" is really good! It's very funny & the characters are just so cuteeeeeeeee! & I really can't wait for a day where millions of people just queue up & slap you hard with their thick money. You are too self-centered sucker.

I don't like sharing you but it's pointless now cause you're gone. @2010, July 14th.

2010-07-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

I think this space is the only place I feel comfortable with. The neutral memories I had with this space is just within this space & I. Unlike places like just a few blocks down towards Lot One, my school bus stop or even places like the playgrounds. They just give me sad, negative memories instantly when I pass by them. But there are also places which give me happy memories like perhaps the homely Railmall & etc. I think it's really stupid not to be me at that period of time. Maybe things would have been different. But I believe everything happens for a reason. :). You going away isn't really a bad thing afterall. It's your achievement that makes me want to study. Cause I don't want to feel inferior should I get to see you. But probably we won't even know each other anymore months down the road. You are like a wander ghost that just linger around me whole day & I just can't get rid of you cause I don't want to. & I still remember the last thing you did for me is defending me. Thank you so much. :).
Really love this space. All the memories is kept in this space & also in these four walls. If I can choose where to die, I would really love to die on the bed, in these four walls. :D

I wanna know what's happening in your life now. @2010, July 12th.

2010-07-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just wanna type something! So let me tell you guys how my Chinese Oral went.
It's terrible. The worst that I've ever taken, so damn seriously. I use a lot of my own words during the passage reading. Plus, I've stumbled & blablabla. The conversation was no better. I just can't think straight at that point of time. I just try to speak out whatever that is on my mind. & I've used quite a few "like", "then". They are a uh-uh (big no no!) in Chinese Oral. Okay, I admit I kind of took it lightly for the conversation part. I didn't really revise much. But I've really never expected the passage to be so difficult (for me at least). My mark is definitely not gonna get any higher than a C. Or probably a D, a E ?

You are a nasty gal. @2010, July 12th.

2010-07-12T00:46:00.000-07:00

Parking nice! Parking ex too! (The lace pants!)
Now I'm back to clothing, But accessories are still a must!

A getaway from school. @2010, July 10th.

2010-07-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

A scoop to ______.

Sogurt. @2010, July 10th.

2010-07-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

I don't like yogurt one bit in the past. But this year, I think I'm changing my perspective of yogurt. I'm kind of liking to eat veggie already! I'm kind of liking to eat yogurt already! I really love being sixteen! :D

Can't wait for the day where you're totally out of my life sucker. @2010, July 9th.

2010-07-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

I think you just have it already, but why must I be gone. So sick & tired of everything around me. Screw them, hammer them, kill him.
Guys are always liar. Stay single best. I miss a lot of things, a lot of people.
Can't wait for YAPP to start again. Can't wait to get back to ODT. Where I can totally live in a world free from everything stupid thing & just dance & have fun with babies! I really wanna thank my friends for being my friends ? hahaha. :)
Screw you, you & you. Screw the book, screw the letters. Screw everything of you. I need a ng.

My chick can have whatever she wants. @2010, July 5th.

2010-07-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

The ice cream says: "Ouch! Man! Gentle!"

Maybe cause we weren't friends before. @2010, July 3rd.

2010-07-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurvived
theeeeeeeeeeeeee
firssssssssssssssssssssst
weekkkkkkkkkkkkkk
offffffffffffffff
schooooooooooooooooooooooool!
^^

It's you It's you It's you! @2010, June 27th.

2010-06-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

yowhoo? Okay, seriously it's abit sian to see that I'm always not there when that bunch of lovely females are celebrating things or just going out to chill. I'm always not there with them! I don't really like it sometimes. But to think about it, I feel that I don't really know how to click with people already. ew. I don't know larh, but I think I've changed a little this year. I felt so sensitive all of a sudden. I've been thinking a lot this month. Maybe that's cause I have more free time ? HAHA! So school's starting tomorrow. Everyone's excited, everyone's scared, restless. I think I'm still feeling the same. It's like June holiday doesn't even exit at all. haha! I really dislike those school reopen kind of thing, cause I'll be asking around if people are bringing PE attire tomorrow. Some even said there's a new timetable ? It is so confusing when some don't even know there is. Alright alright, really hope my "first" day of school doesn't go baddddddd! Cause I didn't really make use of my June to study. I kept procrastinating! Ah. June holiday is like the toughest days to pass. I really really dislike it. But luckily my last day of holiday was spent quietly in the library doing Math, borrowing some teach-me-how-to-draw-cartoons-books which I believe will be very useful & also eating dinner with Shiwei who helped me in my Math a little. Tomorrow's gonna be a good day! ^^

Never say never ~ @2010, June 23rd.

2010-06-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

Had amazing race yesterday. :)
I'm still so tired now.

I'm just so tired of being lied & being judged. @2010, June 21st.

2010-06-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

First try on baby Nik. phew, dang, bang. I think I need a shi fu.
Alright, I have to go sleep now. I feel that my head's gonna drop down from my neck. LOL.

We are all just the same, girl. @2010, June 15th.

2010-06-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

ew. I didn't know you could act so well, all those fake smile. you are no better. asshole. ew. you really just disgust me. & Thank God I don't see you for like every day, really. Hallelujah. But I'll be happier if you are totally out of my life & I'm still working on that. cause I think it's quite impossible unless I give up many things that I like. Which, for you, I'll never do it. :)

Am I becoming like him ? dang. He doesn't click & he loves peace. :D

I don't like you, you judge too much. @2010, June 14th.

2010-06-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

Listening to Halo by Beyonce now. So many things going through my mind now.

I miss dance. I miss dancing with the dancers. I miss dancing on the stage with the dancers, like the Dance Night. I miss having IDP with the dancers, where we will be so tired at the end of the day but it's so fun & fruitful! I don't like going back school everyday to do my O level Art. It's fun, it's really fun with people like Ana & my baby Huiying! But I miss Black Box. I miss lying & pouncing on them. hahaha. I miss their voice. I miss their presence. I miss them singing & shouting among themselves in the toilet while showering. I miss squeezing, eating, laughing & just sitting down in the small toilet, talking. I miss the total darkness in Black Box. I miss playing hide-and-seek in the darkness. I miss all those "Hey babyyyyy", those hugs, those everything. I miss the SYF trainings we had. I miss the funny funny actions Mr Tan will do whenever he's high on caffeine. I miss those times where we will fight for his biscuits & also sharing them. Those oranges especially. I wanna live in Black Box. I wanna dance, I wanna live in Black Box. I wanna have fun.

& I miss you especially.

You are just so abandoned! @2010, Friday 11th.

2010-06-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! My daddy has got a baby N few days ago! :D. I'm so happy & I'm gonna flip through the menu book or something later, to learn how to use it properly so I won't spoil it few weeks after. I'm sure baby Samsung & baby Fuji Instax won't be left out. :). But just when will I be having a baby Holga? aww. :(. So my week has been quite tiring and not at all so fruitful. Been drawing & drawing & drawing in the Art room for days, trying to complete my O level Art but yet, I'm still like only 10% done. urgh. I just don't know what to do with my Art. I can just sit down there & stare into blank spaces for hours. I really can't click with my current ideas. But Art makes me happy. It's just that this O level Art thing is kind of driving me crazy. :(. I've got no skills & everything. Sometimes I really wonder why I choose Art. Plus, this flu is really making it worse. I feel so tired everyday after hours of Art which at the end, I don't seem to achieve anything. I just want the clock to stop, & just lie on the bed for as long as eternity. & when I wake up again, the clock starts ticking again, & I'll just use all my energy & rush all my works. All I want now is just a bowl of yu pian mi fen ya!

My Weekend. @2010, June 6th.

2010-06-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

My lovely weekend is spent watching Sherlock Holmes, Tooth Fairy, 17 Again, Ghost Town & Up. All are nice (months ago) movies! :D. & what to do when your space bar is spoil? Copy & paste the space lorh! :D, yohooo! My parent-teacher-meet wasn't that bad. haha! Alright, Good night & Sweet dreams people! Plus, all the best for your two weeks straight of DnT/F&N/Art!

I'm trying hard to fit in which I know I can't already & I'm tired. @2010, May 28th.

2010-05-28T01:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've gotten back my results & it's terrible. It's terrible to most of my classmates. But well, nothing to be sad about. I mean sad for a day, cry for a day & that's it. Move on with life. No matter what, you will still get the scoldings, the confiscation of phone & a lot more things. So why choose to live so sadly right ?! Alright alright, I know my dad will be like so outraged by my results. But what to do ? It's printed, slipped in & it still just has got to be signed. :). Smile please people! 4 more days to the big one. Awaiting baby! :D. Just pray for luck, luck & more luck plus effort! I know we can all get past it! Anyway, it doesn't feel good watching Gossip Girl for like 7 hours straight. Your head just spins & you just feel like you don't have the energy to lift it up. & that is why I'm gonna go sleep now! :D. Good night!

& I really feel like putting this photo up. It's so cute, so funny & don't you think you'll feel energized after looking at this photo ?! HAHA! :D

What's life without me ? I'm interested to know. Picture tells a thousand words & those pictures really tell me a lot. I'm done with trying cause I just realised I'll never fit in anymore. I know it's all past tense now & I'm happy you actually still will cry over it like maybe once in a blue moon cause, I do too. More than you, I'm sure, if you want to know. I'm sorry I chose something more materialistic over you, that was a big mistake & I've learnt that. But oh well, life still goes on & it's pretty weird this way, that's why it's life. & I'm actually one of the last few you will turn to already. I don't believe in others replacing others. So I assumed that they are actually the right ones that should be there & I should be here. But wait, I don't fit in here either. Make the first move, get me out of that box.

He's just not that into you, lady. @2010, May 25th.

2010-05-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful sports-carnival-time today! & I love push ball even though I can't really reach for the ball & that the ball just flys away from me. I really really love the big, huge, colourful, bouncy, roundy ball! :D, We should really play push ball more! Like every P.E. lessons! hahaha! Okay, that's exaggerating. Really a big thanks to all those who took part in any of the games! Anyway, you wanna see nice footwears ?! :D

Here you go. Awesome.

SLDG. @2010, May 21st.

2010-05-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

Wo de heaven yaaaaaa! Bao bei Bao bei men!

Let me go, let me go tonight. @2010, May 20th.

2010-05-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Actually, laksa isn't as bad as I thought. I mean the taste is not that bad but definitely I still find it spicy. It's nice larh. I think I'm kind of craving for it now. :(. Now I know why relationships are one of the most difficult thing to handle, let alone having it for ever. It's easy falling in love. It's very blissful to be in it but it can also be very tiring. I. want. to. run. away. from. everything. except. intensive Chinese! ^^
I'm sorry. I'm trying my best to tell you so very nicely what I feel. & I hope it doesn't hurt that bad. You said you'll do it for yourself & I'm happy hearing that. Everything, being beyond best friends, was quite of a mistake actually. I'm sorry, I need to shift back my focus. I'm not cheating, I'm not lying. Your eyes, it's just not there. Your actions, they are not what I want. I think I've become stronger from whatever that has happened & I just don't want to bother.
Now, tell me what is love.
Will you miss someone you have never seen before ?
I think I miss my grandpapa.

It's gone man, I can feel it. @2010, May 19th.

2010-05-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Life's been kind of fun recently (I can survive without a phone. yea man!) . Maybe it's because of the intensive Mother Tongue. Ah, I just like it lurh. & I really hope I'll push up my grades by 31st May then. Although the after-knowing-my-results kind of pull me down down down, pulled me down badly in fact, but I'll survive. From all the scoldings & everything Serene says it's bad. I know I will. Serene is not going to die unless she pass her O level. ENDURE ENDURE ENDURE!
How should I put my words. hmm ..

Can I say I'm really a burden ? @2010, May 18th.

2010-05-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

I just want to sit. eat. stare. daydream. talk. hope. pray. sleep. drown. cry. faint. blackout. run. wish. dream. Another depressing day awaits me tomorrow. Intensive Mother Tongue isn't that bad actually. Maybe it's just not that tiring & intensive yet. For now, it's just cold, in AVT. & what do you do when you really feel like smashing your phone down to the ground but you just can't ? Today is a not so good day for me, my baby, almost everyone. These are so hard to swallow, so hard to breathe. What I'm feeling now is just so cannot-be-expressed-by-words. I just really, man, so hard to breathe.

I know my hair will get better! @2010, May 16th.

2010-05-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today ..
I spent about half a day in Jurong Library. I wanted to attend tuition initially, but I spent so much time finding my ez-link (which was in my school uniform pocket) & I knew I'll be ultra late so I skipped it. But I'm going for tomorrow's so yea, chill people. :D. It's good to relax for a day after all your bloody chiong-ing for your exams.

In the library ..
I felt so much happier & more relaxed reading books on like Interior Designing & Art (searching high & low for the books man!) than to do just one Chinese worksheet (exam kind) man. That worksheet is such a killer. Sometimes it's really good to go to the library with a friend. Cause you will be able to get your friend to borrow books for you! But sad for me, Dan (the only person I know that is in the library) do not have the library card. & urgh, I still owe the library fee since 8 years ago. Sad or what. While on the way home, I realized my brain is working relatively slower today compared to other days! hahaha.
Anyone has my IC photo ? please pass it to me! Cause I need it badlyyyyyyyyyy!

My dream ?
Yellow-blue kitchen with light oak flooring. A white modern living room
with bright yet soft coloured furniture & a big vintage clock, hanging.
Rooms of different colours & textures & styles. Contemporary-based washroom.
A woody cottage. This is my dream.
& It's actually okay not to have your dream fulfilled. Cause what's most important is what you've learnt while getting nearer to your dream. :)
Everything's gonna be okay for you babe. :). I miss you.

I rather see them smile than having that pissed off look. @2010. May 15th.

2010-05-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well, mid year examination is finally over! Wouldn't have to burn midnight oil anymore. Hooray for that! But ..
intensive Mother Tongue is gonna start next week! How great! :D. I'm sure we will all get through this babies! Alright, so I have no school today, tomorrow & on Monday! :D. I think I'm just gonna stay home & do some i-love-to-do things. Hehe! Haven't been decorating my stuffs for a long long long long long time already! & I really miss my happy DIYing-Serene!

Plus, I've just cut my fringe. It don't look great seriously. :(. Or, maybe it's just me not having short fringe for quite a loooooooooooooooong while. Anyway, it's seriously just so U.G.L.Y, ugly in real life! But I've gotta look on the bright bright side! :). Alright, good night people! Have a hot milk before you sleep! :D

15 minutes later ..
Actually, my fringe don't look that oh-so-extremely-bad.
But now the thing is, how to tie to schooooooool ?

I'm gonna miss your name. @2010, May 12th.

2010-05-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! What's up! My daddy's gonna
be back in like a few hours time! ^^, Shiok or what!

"The origin of sorrow is desire." -Buddha.

Selling. @2010, May 10th.

2010-05-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Cheap Monday Narrow Jeans. - $50
Size: 25" Reg. (25/32, around UK6)

- Skinny jeans by Cheap Monday
- Stretch denim with contrast stitching
- Multiple pockets and leather logo tab

I won't regret. @2010, May 10th.

2010-05-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

Shut up bitch. You once got yourself into all this shit too okay. So you have no fucking rights to judge me. Those are not comforting words bitch. Did I even fucking say a shit when I found out you got into the same shit ? Can't you just fucking keep your mouth shut ? Can't you just think that I might get hurt or what fuck ass when you say them ? I think you should try reflecting on yourself too, hypocrite. Seriously. Those few months. So what if they are happy ? You've ruined them with just those fuck shit sentences. Well, the book says .. hating people will use more energy! So I think I should use my energy wisely.

All the best for mid year! :)

Start small. :) @2010, May 9th.

2010-05-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

It's drizzling!

Hoho! Okay, I don't know why but I feel like having laksa now.
It's called hang-gray & foot crave-ring.
I miss ......... !

You chose this path, Stop grumbling! @2010, May 9th.

2010-05-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

If it's worthless, then don't talk.
I think you need the awesome book.
& I think you need two Mcflurry. (^^)
It's not that they sucks.
It's just the way how you handled it.
& the way how you accept it like how I did.
I think you kind of did it badly.
Well, all you need is time! :D

Today is a tired day. And yesterday .. @2010, May 5th.

2010-05-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

I dreamt that my daddy came back home.
Alarm clocks are getting on my nerves.
I spent my whole afternoon sleeping when
I should be studying my ass off for Social Studies & Physics.
Cause I had a very bad & little sleep yesterday,
I had to make it up today.
And Thank God he don't need his textbook.
So I can study after I get back home later.
I've decided not to starve myself.
So I'm gonna buy some cookies & chocolates
to last me for as long as possible! Hohoho!

Aww, what a miserable day without baby.

You are forgetting Me. @2010, May 4th.

2010-05-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

inwatsth! inwtffy! bh, baohfbuwm! ihh, ihyt! wmyfhfbtp! isn! fsyk! wcihmj&enfs! fs! aoy! iafht! intbl! wcyjfimtyf! lyfkyhmaygf! fs! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fatfdls! sfamts! fs! iwdswiwi! ihmf! irdwtfsdfyf! igkm&ikt! s, wyawfms. sm ? smu ? mmflaff&mmfgddiftroml ? fh. tsmfmmfrn! &m, yanhaa, nfhaa! jsup!

Guess what. It's 10.30pm now. It's reading time!
Read. Yes, Read.

oh my girl, i cry cry, you're my all, say goodbyebye.
oh my love, don't lie lie, you're my heart, say goodbye.

I love my brothers & I love my Baby! @2010, May 4th.

2010-05-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

AWESOMEEEEE! Should watch it! :D

WO YAO HE BABY KAN! IDC! BUT BABY LIKE BU YAO HE WO KAN! BUT I STILL DC! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Not gonna put in much cause it's not worth. @2010, May 3rd.

2010-05-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm here just to "relieve" myself before going in my room again & just study. Zz. So tired! So hungry! Papa arh papa! Come homeeeeeeeeeee. So bored! Stuck at home. Home!! Yes, HOME! -.-

Yay! Cecilia Cheung is gonna give birth again! Wakakakaka!

B for Bored! H for Hungry! @2010, May 1st.

2010-05-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, I've settled down with my story lines! I shall stand strong here & not change anymore! But .. I don't know where to begin my research! HAHA! Today is a hot labour day! Extremely hot, sunny, smiley day! & I just realised it's really stupid to give up that good-one-time-opportunity, but who cares! As long as I get my jeans!
Damn, I totally have the mood to do a birthday card today! But my studies is pulling me back home home home!

Miss you much much much. Yes, you. Whoever you are, out there.

Strange. @2010, April 30th.

2010-04-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Okay Okay lorh.
& I'm still finding ..

Do tell me if any of you see this!
Two papers down. :)

So what if it's something we earned ? @2010, April 27th.

2010-04-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

Something really funny today: Sean's first time going on a highway! HAHAHA! It's just so funny larh! & the taxi driver is so kind! (THANK YOU! Cause the job of the taxi driver's is already so tiring yet he still gave Sean 60cents discount. Zz!) Anyway, I realised something after Huiying told me that everyone is like not into talking or something like that. Everyone's like so dead nowadays! Because of the coming Mid year exams? Maybe. But I think it's more of the fact that we are taking O levels lorh! (O level seems like a big bad monster! haha!) Oh, & I'm not going Italy anymore. :), Nothing to be sad about. Home can be equally fun even with the TYS & all. ^^
But I'm really sad when I told daddy I don't wanna go. The main reason why I don't wanna go is because of my freaking results! fs. Really, so tired to think/imagine of the fs lousy grades I'll get. It's not really whether I pay attention in class or not, it's the fs lack of confidence & IDK WHY! Ah! f. my heart feels so ache now. BH to the max.

Daddy's away. :(. Have to save save save. & wake up by my own early in the morning! (it's really scary especially when it's exam period lorh!)
Sad sad sad.

Lousy Nokia E63's camera.

Dating cupid. @2010, April 24th.

2010-04-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Awesomeeeeeeeeee! :D

Baby really loves Baby & just loves Baby!

Thank God for a rainy Friday! @2010, April 23rd.

2010-04-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

If only I'm rich ..

I'll be able to sit that seat!! hahaha! & ..

THIS IS HEAVEN!

He gotta learn, but is this the correct way ? @2010, April 22nd.

2010-04-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

It's supposed to be something relaxing & fun but now it's like a pressure. It's good that we can get to go, but it's not good when I start to feel the pressure from teachers. & it's not good to see her cry because of all these. I just feel so like no-where-to-go kind of feeling. Helpless perhaps ? Plus Mid year examination is just like a week away. I can feel that I'm not prepared, something is missing. Aiya, I want maltesers! I miss Lolly, I miss babe, I miss everyone I used to be close with! & I miss DD.

I miss you guys.

Comedy class! @2010, April 19th.

2010-04-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

:D! Damn, so tired. 2.4km is killing me. I'm so tired, I've wasted 4 hours on bed. :(.
Napfa tomorrow, isn't it worse ? But it's so fun! :D. lala la la la la la!

Absolute Baby. @2010, April 18th.

2010-04-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

T.T, I'm so rude today.
T.T, I felt so bad today.
T.T, I'm feeling guilty.
T.T, Sorry Baby.
T.T, It's a school day tomorrow.
Sweet dreams! :D

Everything's so sudden, like really so sudden. How to not feel insecurity? We can't really click you know. Aiyaaa, damn, I don't know what I'm thinking either. But wee, feel so happy after knowing you & idk why! HAHA!

She's indecisive. @2010, April 18th.

2010-04-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

I love. ^^, nicee.

I'm not gonna fall for it anymore. @2010, April 16th.

2010-04-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

How to train your D: Ultra niceeeeeeeeeeeee!! ^^